Qian Zhongshu once said: Marriage is like a besieged city. People inside want to get out, and people outside want to get in.

For today’s young people, marriage seems to be no longer a must.

Many people even think that entering into marriage is about compromising and struggling at the same time. Marriage is just to complete a task that everyone is doing.

Nowadays, "widowed parenting", "dumping dads", domestic violence, divorce, etc. have made more and more people fear marriage. What has marriage brought us?

1. Marriage is better now than before

Despite divorce The rate is rising, and it seems that marriages are becoming more fragile than before, but for those marriages that still last, marital satisfaction is much higher than it was more than a decade ago.

A psychologist from Johns Hopkins University once proposed that in history, people's marriages have gone through three stages.

Institutional marriage: Before 1850, people’s needs for marriage mainly remained at basic physiological needs and safety needs. As long as two people can have enough food and clothing, ensure their own safety, and raise children together, they will be very satisfied.

Friendship marriage: From 1850 to 1965, due to economic and cultural development, people's requirements for marriage gradually changed to a greater sense of belonging and respect, and more emphasis on love and companionship.

Self-expression marriage: 1965 to the present. People want to realize their own value and grow more in marriage.

Nowadays, many people are unwilling to settle for marriage, and are pursuing a self-realizing marriage. Compared with the arranged or cooperative marriages of our older generation, the younger generation would rather be alone than settle for a marriage.

In companionate marriages and self-expression marriages, we will be more satisfied with our partner's feelings and find true spiritual satisfaction. Therefore, these two types of marriages also bring more happiness to modern people.

2. Marriage is just a choice

There is a question on Zhihu: If you don’t get married, you will get old. Will it be miserable?

Some people say: Don’t get married to be taken care of, and don’t have children to be taken care of. This will turn an already complicated interpersonal relationship into a naked transaction.

Even in modern times, many people get married and have children just so that they can have someone to take care of them in the future. In fact, there is nothing wrong with this consideration, and it is also very practical.

From a practical point of view, marriage can indeed give you the opportunity to be taken care of, and you can also gain more security. But the premise is that you can have a reliable partner and a stable marriage.

Compared with an unsatisfactory marriage and an unreliable partner, it is better to live comfortably by yourself.exist.

In fact, marriage is a choice, she is not a must-choice in life.

If you are lucky enough to meet the person you like, then get married, have children, and start a new chapter for you. If you really can’t find the person you like, then be beautiful alone and live a good life.

3. Successful marriages are all about mutual compromise

Some people say: "No matter how loving a couple is, they will be together for a lifetime." There are also 200 times when I want to divorce, and 50 times when I want to strangle each other to death."

There is no couple who does not quarrel. Most marriages are about quarreling and love at the same time. you.

If you want a happy marriage, you must consider these aspects.

Accept each other’s differences

Everyone is an independent individual, with different living habits, thinking, educational background, family environment, etc., so two people have different Different opinions are normal.

Faced with the differences between your partners, you don’t have to insist on changing the other person, or expect the other person to become what you want, and accept the differences between them calmly.

Seeking common ground while reserving differences and respecting each other should be the most advanced way for lovers to get along.

Take the initiative to express your thoughts

Many people want their significant other to understand them. Without speaking out loud, she will be able to read your heart and understand what you want.

In fact, it is normal for no one to understand you.

Lu Xun once said: Human beings' joys and sorrows are not the same. I only think they are noisy.

Therefore, when encountering a problem, take the initiative to express your inner thoughts instead of blindly trying to let the other party guess your thoughts.

Non-violent communication

Violent communication still exists in many families. Once your partner fails to meet your requirements, you will start to quarrel.

When people are angry, it is easy to make some irrational actions and say some hurtful words.

These accusations and questioning language are a kind of violent communication.

Violent language not only hurts each other's feelings, but also reduces the intimacy between two people.

Marriage is not everyone’s choice, but a good marriage can indeed make your life a little more secure.

If you are willing, you can also meet someone who can make porridge warm with you and spend the evening with you.