I believe that many friends have experienced cold violence, and the damage caused by cold violence is also doubled. Therefore, when we encounter cold violence, we cannot retreat or be weak. We must face it positively and head-on. Okay, today the editor will bring you how to deal with cold violence between couples, let’s take a look.

Today’s article mainly analyzes how we should communicate with such people who frequently engage in cold violence?

< p> There are four steps:

1. State our observations

We need to express our observations clearly rather than comment.

Observation: You have been lying on the sofa for two hours;

Comment: You have been lying on the sofa for a long time;

2. Express our feelings Feelings

We need to express our feelings, not our thoughts.

We can express the following emotions - fear, sadness, anger, happiness, surprise, shame.

The expression of these emotions must be felt by the other party. But "sad" (or hurt) is not actually our most basic emotion. Sadness can be fear, sadness, anger, or a combination thereof, so when you say you are sad, your partner may not recognize your true emotions.

Feelings: I was angry at first, but now, I feel a little sad and scared;

Thoughts: Do you not love me anymore? If so, you can actually say it directly;

3. Tell the other person: our needs (responsible for our feelings)

What needs are/are not being met that cause us to feel the above.

Take responsibility for our feelings: My previous anger was actually to get your attention, because your tolerance will make me feel loved, which is something my family of origin did not give me. But now, I'm afraid that you, like them, won't respond to my emotions, and I really need your help.

4. Express our requests

Our requests should be specific, and should not use a commanding or coercive tone (to prevent the other party from resenting it).

Good request: Can you give me a hug?

Bad request: I want you to hug me

Putting the above steps together That's it:

You lay on the sofa for two hours. At first I was angry, but now I feel a little sad and scared. My previous anger was actually to gain your attention, because your tolerance would make me feel loved, which is something my family of origin did not give me. But now, I'm afraid that you, like them, won't respond to my emotions,I really need your help, can you give me a hug?

The above is what the editor brings to you today on how to communicate with people who are frequently violent. Of course, this is just a simple example. , after understanding the principle, everyone will probably use it according to their actual situation! If you are still unclear about anything, you can ask me in private.