Many people’s marriages don’t last long, not because they don’t love each other anymore, but because they don’t know how to run a marriage. Today, the editor will share with you four secrets to keep your marriage fresh and make your marriage last longer.
Secrets to keeping a marriage alive
1. Find each other’s core needs
I often hear complaints between couples:
Wife’s complaints about My husband said: You don’t care about this family at all. You are always away from home on weekends. If you are not eating, drinking and having fun with your buddies, you are playing games on your mobile phone at home.
My husband was also very angry: What about you? I'm so stressed, have you ever understood me? No matter how late you work, you won't even hear a word of concern when you get home, let alone a warm meal.
My wife is even more angry: What have you done to me and this family? You don’t even want to live a good life!
I asked my husband if he heard what his wife wanted? He said, she just thinks I'm not good enough to her! In fact, neither of them understood what each other's "core needs" were. The wife's core need is "husband's company", while the husband's core need is "wife's care and consideration". But because the two people don't talk well and use the accusatory quarrel mode, they can never see what the other person wants, and they can't get what they want.
2. Learn to express emotions instead of emotional expression
Emotional expression:
< p> In terms of language: "Why do you do this to me?" "I have never seen such a selfish person like you!" "I hate you! I hate you!"In terms of actions: slamming the door, Making bad faces, throwing things, and hitting people
Result: It can not solve the problem, but also causes the two people's emotions to escalate, and the relationship is also destroyed.
Expressing emotions:
Example: The husband promised his wife something, but he forgot to do it
①Tell the facts: You promised me you would come this weekend Cleaning, but not cleaning
②State your feelings: I feel very disappointed
③State your unmet needs: Because you agreed to clean, you can make people I feel that you are considerate of me and love me, but when I came back, I saw that the house had not been cleaned.
④ Say a request: I hope you can clean it tonight, okay?
3. Don’t run away when encountering problems
When people face problems, they will instinctively escape to the next scene. In psychology, it is called "taking action". For example: when faced with a problem raised by your significant other and you don’t know how to solve it, you choose a cold war. When the quarrel got so intense, I decided to get divorced. In the end, the problem will not be alleviated or solved by the arrival of new scenes. Instead, it will make your choices less and less, and the relationship will become worse and worse.
4. Big things are turned into small things.
When you encounter a problem and don’t know how to solve it, first break the big problem into small problems. Two people Together, solve it step by step. For example: If you live with your parents-in-law after marriage, conflicts cannot be avoided. Break down the big problem of conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law into N small problems:
①What is the biggest conflict?
②Can it be solved by moving out?
③If you can move out, what problems do you need to face and how to solve them?
②What do the couple need to do each? What things can be done to resolve conflicts?
...
After two people have discussed it, they will act according to the goal. When you have broken down the problem clearly, break down the small problems one by one. After the problem is solved, the two people can understand each other better and enhance the intimacy between "comrades" in the process of solving the problem. In the end, the problem is solved.
